You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize