It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
