Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
