But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize