Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
