Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
