So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
