dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
