rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
