I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
