Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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