Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
