People in love make me want to vomit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
