This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
