I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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