shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
