I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
