We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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