I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
