I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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