You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
