when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
