ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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