both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
