btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
