I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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