He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can't motorboat a personality
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
