Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
