I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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