Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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