Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
