I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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