You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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