good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
