i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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