Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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