This dress was meant to end up on your floor
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
