Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize