one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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