You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
