It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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