what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize