I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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