Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
