your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
