Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
