i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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