The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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