When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
