The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
