mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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