Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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