As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
