I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
