i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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