There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
