i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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