Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
