Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
