So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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