WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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