did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
