I could make wine with my vomit
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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