apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
