i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
