Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
