The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
