I think I won the penis lottery.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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