i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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